How to Navigate the Minefield of Working with Family Members
Years ago, after earning my master’s degree in clinical psychology, I went to work in my father’s foundry business as the company’s director of sales.
At the time – and as is likely the case today as well – a good number of college grads were joining their families’ businesses. And, of course, the laundromat industry certainly has its share of second- and third-generation businesses.
Clearly, before you can work for a parent, he or she first must hire you. And, if you’re the parent, it’s critical to set clear guidelines and expectations for any children interested in joining the business – as well as to explain that they will be treated just like any non-related employee.
Next, be sure that your children are truly qualified for the job you’re offering. Develop a plan for what will occur if your son or daughter simply doesn’t work out in that position with the company. (Hey, it happens.) And, lastly, clearly communicate your expectations, parameters and boundaries for this parent/child working relationship.
As I (and no doubt countless others before and after me) discovered, working for one’s parent is no bed of roses. Why can it be so difficult to work for a parent?
Working for mom and/or dad can be challenging for a couple of reasons. First, you each know so much about the other person and have been privy to intimate information about them. Secondly, you’ve most likely had arguments or negative conflicts with them in the past. In other words, you’ve got years of experiences with them – both positive and negative.
And let’s not overlook the very real issue and risk of nepotism occurring in the business, because the son or daughter may receive certain perks for which he or she may not necessarily qualify. Remain ever vigilant of this slippery slope in order to prevent this type of negative workplace scenario.
Drawbacks of Working with Family
From the moment you were born, you were set upon your career path. Now that you’ve perhaps graduated from college and earned your degree, the time has come.
Unlike your peers – who, post-college, must face a difficult and uncertain road of online resumes and stressful job interviews as they carve out their career paths – you already have a position waiting for you in the family laundry business.
If your parents run a family-owned venture, joining the family business may seem like a no-brainer. After all, there are countless advantages to working for and with family. However, no job is perfect, particularly if your boss happens to be the same person who changed your diapers.
One of the significant negatives of joining the family business is that many of your colleagues, co-workers, and even customers may assume that you were hired simply because you’re “the boss’ kid.” Also, working for your parents can lead to significant conflict.
Not only will some outsiders assume that you’re not qualified for the job you hold, but your parents most likely will embarrass and infuriate you on some days (and sometimes both on the same day!), which you will simply have to deal with.
Moreover, you likely grew up with your parents and lived under the same roof for years. Logically, it should be no big deal to spend more time with them at the family laundry business. But, as others who have joined their family businesses will tell you, it’s one thing to live with your parents – but it’s an entirely different ballgame to actually work for them.
Because you know each other so well, you may tend to make work disagreements more personal than they should be. Plus, when you have emotional ties to your boss, it’s a lot easier to get your feelings hurt. Not only can these disagreements lead to family problems, but they also can negatively impact the entire company.
I’ve also witnessed endless examples of a business’ next generation having their ideas summarily shot down and completely dismissed. This often occurs because some business owners have a very difficult time seeing their adult children as more than just kids, whose opinions aren’t as valuable as other team members.
What’s more, as part of a business’ second or third generation, you’re emotionally invested in its success. When times get tough and business is slow, you will have to watch your parents or other family members struggling, and you may feel trapped. Even if a more promising position with another company or industry comes along, you may feel obligated to remain in the family business. After all, how could you possibly abandon your family when they’ve spent so many years teaching you the ins and outs of the operation?
No doubt, this situation is not always easy and fun for the parents either. Especially in the beginning, they aren’t used to serving as the “boss” of their sons or daughters. It can be difficult for first-generation laundry operators to adapt to a new method of interacting with their offspring, while at the same time, maintaining their roles as parents. All in all, it can elicit mixed emotions – on one hand, parents are always proud to employ their children and watch them succeed, but adapting to that dual role can be tricky.
Lastly, when you work for and with your parents, you can begin to feel as if all you ever talk about is work. Every time you get together – whether it’s for Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas brunch or just a family member’s birthday party – the conversation invariably will turn to matters of business.
This can put a major strain on family relationships, and you may begin to feel as if you’re losing the more personal connection you once shared with your parents and siblings.
The stark reality is that some family business relationships work out just fine. It’s also true that some simply do not. However, if you keep the lines of communication open and set some clear-cut boundaries right from the beginning, you’ll be more likely to survive (and even thrive) within the family business.
In a nutshell, my feeling is that the individual results of a child working for a parent – and vice versa – in a family business are all… relative. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)
